TDI Submarine

[valois]

While doing a search for a suitable propane tank for my new propane injection system on the TDI this turned up, I thought you all might find it amusing, there is a group of nuts out there making submarines with industrial propane tanks.

Put a TDI motor on it and sell it to Iraq. Anybody see Slim Pickens in 1941 (the movie).

submarine

 

[valois]

Afghanistan had a major order in, but the supplier explained to them that they are land locked.

 

[Bernhardt]

Valois, I assume you're going to propane injection for more power. If you're trying to increase mileage forget it. Diesel consumption will go down, but overall fuel consumption will stay the same. I don't know where your nozzle(and corresponding press drop) is, but I would suggest putting it right after the intercooler. This way, you'll cool the air more and get a denser charge.

 

[mickey]

Bernhardt: I found a link to a site that sells good, used one-owner senses of humor. I'll see if I can dig up the link for you...

-mickey

 

[valois]

Bernhardt, we a usa helium in da submarina it maka us talk funny but we go alot more down. We a try the propane ona sub #1 anda on the number two too, but they blowmaup every time we light da match for cigarette or cook stove.

Even we no smoke it very hard to concentrate and smella bad too. No like propane, helium mucha better.

 

[mickey]

Yeah, what HE said...

-mickey

 

[valois]

Mickey we usa da tennie tanks fora da surface fleet. We have finest modern day technology pontoon bote. We no lika da propane ina deese tinnie tanks noway, we usa da helium, it help us to stay up. Funny thing, that helium, ita helpa you go down or up! Only damage to throat, hot camel milk fix it up. We put eyescope in oposite direction so we can see submarina. We go now, paint da navy so we can make cover page Jane's. This let enemies in Bangladesh no that we superdooper power now!

 

[Peter Cheuk]

Okay, everybody, sing it with me!

"We all live in the yellow submarine (hic)
yellow submarine (hic)
yellow submarine
We all live in the yellow submarine (hic)
yellow submarine (hic)
yellow submarine"

Hello? Where did everybody go? Is my singing that bad??? Sheesh!

 

[TDI Steve]

I'll stick to cars...

"I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
Really love to watch'em roll..."

(okay, that's a stretch, but i was trying to keep with the theme)

 

[Norman]

Peter, don't quit your day job!...

 

[valois]

Captain Nemo here, somewhere off the French Coast. I am studying the effects of extended dives on stale air. I am lightheaded at the moment and my unworthy mate, Mr. Smith is lying in a drunken stupor. 47 days without the benefit of fresh oxygen and rudimentary hygenic products is taking it's toll, and I find myself intolerant of Smith's little indiscretions, and total lack of commitment to learning. We had a terrible spat following our daily ration of spam and saltines, and unbeknowst to me Smith sought solice in a bottle of cheap scotch that he had hidden in his bedding. Damn that man! The stench is overpowering, I am going to have to surface! Hopefully this will not blow my cover, I have had my share of run ins with the Gendarmes before: Captain Nemo signing off.

 

[dparnell]

NOW, I don't have worry about Peter making his living as a singer or mechanic

.

Capt. Nemo, what's your armament? LOL

------------------

 

[mickey]

valois: I envy you your subtlety.

-mickey

 

[valois]

Mickey, I figured you would post eventually. I doubt there are many more that get it. As far as being subtle, it's a French thing.

 

[valois]

Captains log: Well we managed to avoid the local authorities, Smith has sobered up somewhat, and the sub is certainly more palatable given the infusion of fresh air! I have accepted a top secret mission from the Association of Slovakian Scientists (ASS)to monitor western nations! I need to compile hard evidence that can be taken to the ASS, that "proves" the nefarious nature of the American Environmental Agency and how it along with The Highway Safety Administration conspired to enact legislation which prohibited importation of the Yugo, and ultimately led to the destablization of Yugoslavia and by association the entire Eastern Bloc, Warsaw Pact, and Soviet Union. We are well aware that the Americans actively persued a campaign of deception, releasing incredulous fabrications concerning this state of the art automobile. Stories of engines falling onto the pavement at stoplights, and wheels falling off! Who would think the public would believe this tripe! It is apparent that they will go to any length to maintain their appearance of technological superiority. "SMITH you idiot, set a course for the American coast, and be sure you get the coordinates right this time! I do not want to end up in Iceland again!
Onward to learning! Nemo out.

------------------
On My Planet, The Atmosphere is Propane and Methane
Diesel Fuel is considered an intoxicant.

 

[Colonel Klink]

Valois: Hats off to that post. 'Nuff said!

 

[mickey]

I've heard rumors that the code name for the association's secret meeting place is "The Hole."

-mickey

 

[gestalTDIesel]

oh my gawd!

ROTFLMAO!!

i don't wan't to ask 'who's the rear admiral?'.

------------------
-joe

'00 Indigo Golf GL TDI

 

[valois]

Captains log: Smith has deserted! We layed in to port in a small cove on the Quinnipiac river, to perform repairs and when I awoke he was gone. I guess the lure of the bottle overcame him and he is laying in a drunken stupor in some fop house nearby, oblivious to the precarious position his ineptitude has placed me. Damn that man! I am a philosopher, navigator, investigator, not a damn mechanic. The sub is disabled, I can barely manage headway, something is seriously wrong with the propulsion. It would be impossible to attempt a transatlantic passage in it's current state. I have to recruit a mechanic. In the interim I have to endure my forced stay in this despicable uncultured wasteland of moral turpitude. My only condolence is the evidence that I have managed to collect. I will provide my contacts with the third estate with proof of an insideous plot between the US government, the IOC, and the leadership of LDS to destabilize the economy of eastern Europe. I cannot release this sensitive material until I am safe and secure! I have to find a mechanic! It is very dangerous, I see their uniformed minions everywhere! At least they are identifiable in their white shirts and dark ties wizzing by on their bicycles. Nemo out.........

 

[Lorax]

I love these forums!

 

[valois]

Captains log: 6/25/00
I disguised myself as a woman through the serindipitous discovery of some clothing hanging to dry nearby. Fortunately the unwitting donor is a rather large woman as the attire fits me rather well. I chose Sunday for my clandestine sortee, as I would be less likely to encounter any LDS agents. I began my search at the local fop houses and discovered Smith at the United Way shelter. I had to pass myself off as his spouse to gain entrance and ascertain that the louse was there. After some persuasion on my part, I was able to extricate him from his new abode.( I took the precaution of arming myself) He has spent all of the funds I provided for replacement parts on booze and harlots! He will pay dearly for his indescretions when we arrive at our base! This has necessitated more theivery to aquire funds for provisions and repair parts. I utilized the remaining capitol I had to purchase the parts required. We purloined foodstuffs from a nearby house, the residents were attending morning services. We have just returned to the sub and Smith is enacting repairs. Hopefully we will be underway at the cover of darkness.
Onward to learning!...Nemo out.

 

[dparnell]

V, The Obsidian Order perceives you as a threat---their mechanics aren't the greatest in the world---they do however have a cloaking device that will allow them to approach unnoticed unless you have either embelished large quantities of a VVG congac or can emit a tachyon cascade to reveal their position. They refer to you as Species 051 or or F1---if you need assistance, I have Jeri Ryan's home #.

------------------

 

[mickey]

ROFLMAO!!!

Perhaps if I was as subtle as you guys I wouldn't be bogged down in this legal morass!

-mickey

 

[mickey]

Though I had a periscope sighting this morning, but it turned out to be a sewer lateral.

-mickey

 

[Torqster]

The demented, self-righteous prig hunted me down and drove me back to that hellhole at gunpoint. Several times I asked him to just shoot me rather than make me go back into that thing but he told me things wouldn't go so well for my relatives if I did not cooperate.

What he doesn't know is that I snapped a few pictures of him changing out of his "costume." They have already been e-mailed, via satelite uplink, back to A.S.S. Cross-dressing on the taxpayer's dime is not well accepted where we come from, I can tell you.

After Nemo is discredited. I will defect and from a safehouse in Canada I will write a memoir and expose' of my time with the mad Nemo in service to A.S.S. With some luck the book rights will get me enough money to buy a TDI and move to Utah.

Mr. Smith





[This message has been edited by Torqster (edited June 26, 2000).]

 

[SkyPup]

This plot sounds like it is being financed by a madman, probably with funding from either Hussein or Qddaffy. These fools will stop at no end to make the Allied forces appear incongrous. Batten the hatches Mates, take her down, way way down!

 

[valois]

"SMITH! Wake up you pig! Take us to the surface, I want to look around and send a radio transmission."
Onward to learning:!

[This message has been edited by valois (edited August 06, 2000).]

 

[Turbo Steve]

We all live in an Ol' Silver submarine.

 

[mickey]

"Periscope off the port bow!"

The cry of the lookout startled me from my slumber. Hastily donning my clothes, I rushed from my cabin and joined the crowd of excited seamen, who were gesturing to a point in the dark waters approximately 30 fathoms ahead. We could all distinctly see the sillouhette of the periscope, and the flashing of the torn sea as it scythed through the water. Without words, we looked at one another and asked the same question: Could this be the sign of the infamous Nautilus?

For we had been cruising for some days off the coast of France through an area where rumors of the Island of the Dateless Engineers had persisted among sailor folklore for over a century. Some old, decrepit seamen claimed to have seen the island, and even lived among its pocket-protected inhabitants. But they were generally quite mad, or raving as they plied their bottles.

But now the legends came back to my mind. It was said that Nemo, the most sexually frustrated engineer of them all, had constructed a craft capable of travelling beneath the very waves and was wandering the sea in a fruitless quest for women with low enough self-esteem to accompany him and his crew back to their sad little island. Meanwhile, he was known to take random torpedo shots at socially well-adjusted people.

No sooner did these thoughts cross my mind than the shout "TORPEDO IN THE WATER" went up from 50 throats! Desperately, the helmsman put the wheel hard over, but it was obviously too late. We braced ourselves and waited for the worst. The torpedo lanced through the water like a shark rushing to the kill, and I was actually able to see the words "Made in France" printed on the top of the deadly silver fish as it rammed into the side of the ship directly beneath my feet!

But the dreaded explosion never happened. Instead, with a dull thud the torpedo burst open and filled the air around the ship with tiny leaflets, each bearing some variation on "You Americans are SO arrogant!" Relieved, we all laughed heartily as the legendary Nautilus reared it's full bulk from the depths and Nemo himself appeared through the hatch and began shouting impotent insults at us.

Nemo lives!

-mickey

 

[Torqster]

Est-ce que je me réveille ou rêve?

I rise from blessed oblivion, to find what? The mad captain, dressed in a chicken costume, strutting the deck fore and aft and reading Thomas Paine at the top of his lungs to the puzzled stares of passing yachtsmen.

Quite mad. Even as I write, he stares oddly at me, his nose resting on the bridge bulkhead between his hands.