TDI humor

Bear

Veteran Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2003
Location
Westminster, Maryland
TDI
Golf GL 2 dr 2003 Mojave Beige, ESP, CWP, Monsoon, 2003.5 console
...well an attempt at it. I am often in awe of german engineering, as an example the ESP feature. Instead of laying on the horn or making a colorful gesture, all one needs to do is press the button to let the other guy know what he thinks. Even the symbol is cool - a warning triangle with an exclamation point - and a curved arrow around that. Its like... tell them what to do, where, and then what direction to rotate it.

If the ESP dash symbol comes on without you pushing the button, its the car letting you know what IT thinks.

ASR=AntienenSktazienReliefphn or some such I am given to understand. It takes away the urge to go the bathroom. Again, I am amazed at german engineering.

TDI=taking drugs inside ....NOT (j/k, relax we're having fun here)

The cute little rabbit emblem - I SWEAR that VW put this on the wrong car. Come on, if shooting pellets is the criteria then we've got the GTIs beat to pieces!

I have a 2-dr. Golf. Some people call it a 3-door. The literature in the US says 2-dr. The configurator in the U.K. says its a 3-door. Hmm, one's propensity to enter from the back is a cultural thing evidently.

I think that VWoA would do well by moving elsewhere. They're in Michigan, I think, which is a fine place, but they are too close to the big 3 there. In an automotive sense, its kinda like trying to get a gourmet restaurant going in a ghetto. Won't work. I suggest they go elsewhere, maybe a wholesome place like MN, NC, (or central MD would be OK). I didn't mention PA, last time I went to the PA plant (on a sales call) they were making TVs there and they weren't VW ones either. Seriously though - I recommend they go to Wilmington. There's nothing like looking out the window and seeing your bread and butter coming and going.

Folks are all stirred up about the parking heater. Last thing I need when I go parking is a heater /images/graemlins/wink.gif.

Why do Touregs come with a flashlight? They cost double what a regular VW costs, thus there's a big difference in what spills out of them. Example - I open my door up and happy meal toys, soda bottles, and ATM slips for worthless accounts fall out. A Toureg door opens - what comes out: probably a GameBoy, PDA, ATM slips for accounts that probably have money in them. Stuff that's worth picking up. Hence, the flashlight.

How about some fuel pump fun with an unsuspecting TDI'er? Try this - take off your TDI badge, or better yet, put on one that says 1.8T, and meet 'em at the diesel pump without letting them hear the motor, and proceed to put diesel fuel in. See what they say and report back. /images/graemlins/smile.gif "But REALLY it runs better this way" or some such is a good response - you might want to see the thread specifically on that for what to say.

What I say. After the holiday blitz I have time to think about things. Half the world (roughly) goes to bed hungry, has never and will never drive, much less a TDI. We are all very lucky to be here.

Till next time... you'll know when.
I'll push the button for ya!
Good Day!
Bear
 

jck66

Top Post Dawg
Joined
Jan 4, 2001
Location
Greenwich, CT, USA
TDI
12 Passat SE / 14 BMW 535d
[ QUOTE ]

I have a 2-dr. Golf. Some people call it a 3-door. The literature in the US says 2-dr. The configurator in the U.K. says its a 3-door. Hmm, one's propensity to enter from the back is a cultural thing evidently.


[/ QUOTE ]

LOL!! /images/graemlins/grin.gif
 

JetWag03

Veteran Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2003
Location
Rochester Hills MI
TDI
Jetta Wagon, 2003, Baltic Green
Nice writeup, Bear.

I always thought the ESP button would allow your car to understand Espanol - at least the ones built in Mexico and Brazil. Mine needs a Deutsch button.

VWoA is indeed in Michigan. Auburn Hills, to be exact. I drive by there quite often. And while the lot is populated with mostly VeeDubs, I have been amused to see quite a few of the Big 3's products, as well as Hondas and Toyotas parked there. Go see how many 'foreign' cars are parked at a Ford plant /images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif

Just my $.02 /images/graemlins/wink.gif
 

Bear

Veteran Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2003
Location
Westminster, Maryland
TDI
Golf GL 2 dr 2003 Mojave Beige, ESP, CWP, Monsoon, 2003.5 console
DieselWeasel: yes, I wrote it, glad you liked it, thx!

jck66: I think I might have it wrong, though. From what I hear, there is a "lively" pub scene over there. So, when your obnoxious drunk buddy needs a ride, you put him in the trunk... or whatever they might call it. Its quite likely easier to get someone in the back if you open the "door" for them rather than opening the "hatch" or the "trunk lid". Once they're in there, they'll sleep it off. I'd be afraid to put a tdiclubber in there though unless they were really toasted. They might disconnect a fuel line or something, or swipe all your rear bulbs.

Jetwag03: LOL! I'll check Vag-Com and see if the functionality can be changed. I can't wait to see what the dash symbol for that might be! Do you ever see any Lupos around VWoA?

Squeeze_CHeese: You comment is ESPecially enlightening. I'd still prefer fresh hot ESPresso as a feature though.

I think we need a thread like this for a couple of reasons. This is a pretty technical club and its good to have a release from that. And we have a lot of garbage to put up with from our peers who don't like and could care less about diesels. Plus routine bullying from the media. Its ridiculous.

So how about a tdiclub cookbook? We could get our extended family, suppliers and such, involved. Examples, imagine: Turbo Chili, Chicken Delvac, and a nice big strong drink, like a super Long-Island iced tea, called a "Quantity Adjuster".
 

Hamsterdiesel

TDIClub Enthusiast , Veteran Member & HO5G CoFound
Joined
Jul 30, 2002
Location
NH
TDI
1999 Golf IV, Black and now 2015 Reflex Silver Passat SE
Power Service BBQ Sauce...
 

JetWag03

Veteran Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2003
Location
Rochester Hills MI
TDI
Jetta Wagon, 2003, Baltic Green
[ QUOTE ]
...just a side note -- ESPanol is not the official language of Brazil. Portuguese is. Carry on.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oops /images/graemlins/blush.gif My bad. Just showing off my geographical/sociological ignorance /images/graemlins/grin.gif

Bear, I'm afraid I wouldn't know a Lupo if one bit me /images/graemlins/laugh.gif. I have not seen any VW-badged cars in the area that I don't recognize.
 

zanzabar

Vendor
Joined
Oct 18, 2002
Location
Petaluma, CA
TDI
2004 Jetta BEW 5spd (dual duty track car and daily driver beater)
Nice...although I didn't find it very funny until I imagined Rodney Dangerfield reading it aloud. /images/graemlins/grin.gif


Delvac Chicken??? Not in my kitchen. /images/graemlins/mad.gif I only use Amsoil on my poultry, it's clearly better.

/images/graemlins/wink.gif
 

weedeater

Top Post Dawg
Joined
Mar 17, 2001
Location
Reston, VA
TDI
Jetta, 2001, Baltic Green
[ QUOTE ]
Old Navy's Chili Bean Cetane Booster. /images/graemlins/eek.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Get the Real Gas!

/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 

Bear

Veteran Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2003
Location
Westminster, Maryland
TDI
Golf GL 2 dr 2003 Mojave Beige, ESP, CWP, Monsoon, 2003.5 console
zanzabar: Yes you're right, Amsoil had a much more appealing char than Delvac in Dieseldorf's hot grille test.

Old Navy's Chili Bean Cetane Booster. Enhances performance, confidence, restores hair color, and removes warts. Make your next TDI-GTG a true blowout.
 

Bear

Veteran Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2003
Location
Westminster, Maryland
TDI
Golf GL 2 dr 2003 Mojave Beige, ESP, CWP, Monsoon, 2003.5 console
Hmph. There has got to be a good heated seats wisecrack here somewhere.

I told the wife about Primrose 409. Man, I wish I didn't now. If she gets it mixed up with Formula 409 I think I'm in trouble. Not just car trouble either.
 

Old Navy

Top Post Dawg
Joined
Jun 15, 2001
Location
Ozark Hill's in Missouri, USA
TDI
None now, .
I thought about adding a comment on particulate trap, but felt I might get whopped up side the head by one of the moderator's at the next GTG. /images/graemlins/eek.gif I'm not what you would call a suttle guy. /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
 

weedeater

Top Post Dawg
Joined
Mar 17, 2001
Location
Reston, VA
TDI
Jetta, 2001, Baltic Green
[ QUOTE ]
I told the wife about Primrose 409. Man, I wish I didn't now. If she gets it mixed up with Formula 409 I think I'm in trouble. Not just car trouble either.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, but it keeps that engine clean! /images/graemlins/grin.gif
 

Bear

Veteran Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2003
Location
Westminster, Maryland
TDI
Golf GL 2 dr 2003 Mojave Beige, ESP, CWP, Monsoon, 2003.5 console
OK Old Navy, I took it out. Don't want you to get chastised any more then is necessary. I'll save that and more for open mic. night at TDI Fest. Wait till you hear my PD and Fahrfrumpumpem jokes /images/graemlins/smile.gif

weedeater: I'll bet Primrose makes fridge defrost better though.
 

Old Navy

Top Post Dawg
Joined
Jun 15, 2001
Location
Ozark Hill's in Missouri, USA
TDI
None now, .
Bear that was the best laugh I've had this year and you edited it. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

Well at least we both stayed out of trouble. /images/graemlins/tongue.gif /images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
 

BratscheMan

Veteran Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2000
Location
Watertown, WI
TDI
none at present
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I have a 2-dr. Golf. Some people call it a 3-door. The literature in the US says 2-dr. The configurator in the U.K. says its a 3-door. Hmm, one's propensity to enter from the back is a cultural thing evidently.


[/ QUOTE ]

If one owned a Golf TDI with a sunroof, your assessment would be incorrect...actually by your logic that should be considered a four-door model /images/graemlins/tongue.gif,which would REALLY create some problems for car salesman and those doing searches on AutoTrader, etc. /images/graemlins/crazy.gif /images/graemlins/grin.gif
 

Bear

Veteran Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2003
Location
Westminster, Maryland
TDI
Golf GL 2 dr 2003 Mojave Beige, ESP, CWP, Monsoon, 2003.5 console
Old Navy: Yes, but we now have a second definition of gasser.

BM: Sunroof a door? OK, hop on in! Not in my car though, I don't have one. I simply couldn't justify getting a sunroof, I don't hunt enough.:)

I notice that lowered cars with ground effects often have a sunroof deflector. If you're driving around in a road pizza-spatula its good to have a deflector there, eh?
 
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