UK Spec 01 VW Passat 1.9 tdi torque converter issue

Hello all, just to preface this title, I'm an American living in England due to my husbands job. All the forums for vw on the British side keep telling me to just go to a vw dealer and let's be real I don't have that kind of money. Lol. Okay so on to the issue.
Once my car warms up, whenever I come to a COMPLETE stop in gear, I have a grinding noise coming from what I expect to be my torque converter. It does this in drive and manual 1 2 & 3, but not in neutral reverse or park. Usually I just chuck the thing in neutral but I'm wondering what the issue is and if it's an issue I can tackle myself. The only thing I can think of is maybe a tcc lock up issue. No engine codes other than an engine coolant temp sensor and a positive deviation on my boost. (Obviously this car is a problem child, so I named him Lucifer) Were planning on topping off the atf or change it to see if that does the trick but we have to wait until we have the proper tools to do that.
I hope to have the car for my entire stay out here, but I only paid £1100 for it so I think a full tranny rebuild is out of the question. I'm posting in hopes that someone could lead us in the right direction and maybe help us figure out how to fix it. I'm fairly new to car maintence in this regard, and 100% new to owning a vw.

The way you describe sounds like there might be some sort of shield making inappropriate contact and causing the vibration noise.

Reason is that the torque converter does not "know" anything different between forward and reverse gears - it's doing the exact same thing in R as D.

When you shift from D to R, the transmission is loaded in the other direction, and will generally move somewhat within the engine compartment - engine and transmission mounts are stressed in a different direction, and dust shields, exhaust etc will move around such that they may make or break (noise making) contact.

If it were my car, I would try to get it on a drive-on lift and get the noise to occur as you have described. Get a tech to observe and listen for the noise, to isolate where it is coming from.

I would bet you may get away with bending something out of the way to make the noise go away.

Sounds like maybe the snubber roll stop mount up front is broken to me.

Thanks for the suggestions. We're able to rent a space in our "hobby shop" by the hour and it has a lift just not sure if it is a drive up lift. Hopefully we can get in this weekend or next. I'm gonna try to get a video up of the noise so maybe that would help.

https://youtu.be/qk_obYH8zhU
Hopefully links are allowed. This is the noise, the video posted upside down for some reason??? Lol

Watched / listened to the video - hard to discern other than the increase in noise.

Videos can be difficult with diesel engines due to the increased engine noise.

I still think you likely have something on the engine grounding when the engine moves into drive.

If it were mine, I would have someone listen in the engine compartment when the car is shifted into and out of drive - preferably listening with some sort of stethoscope to isolate where the noise is coming from - my guess is the front or one of the sides. If the torque converter is truly the culprit, the noise will be coming from the transmission bellhousing.

Thanks for the time, hopefully we can get it in the shop this weekend. Just found out I need to get new track rods (tie rods) as well when I got new tires. So we really need to get a full inspection on the vehicle. The last guy we took it to that my husband swears by told us to just sell it because it has so many issues, but wouldn't tell us exactly what was wrong other than the fuel injectors were "going bad". Not sure how true any of that info was. As of right now I love the car even with the faults, it's a freaking beautiful drive. I've already put 6k on it just in the month and a half I've had it.